


on his face is a map of the world

by haipollai



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe
Genre: Being a monster, F/M, Human Experimentation, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Remember who you are, winter soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2012-11-29
Packaged: 2017-11-19 19:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/576989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai/pseuds/haipollai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's hands fist in quiet rage and his gaze remains fixed on Barnes, strapped to his hospital gurney, connected to monitors and IVs and everything about him looks small. Not quite human and not quite real. A puppet maybe. Bruce swallows hard at the sudden panic that this could be him. Kept unconscious for fear of what he might be. He feels Clint behind him, one hand on his back and Bruce doesn't doubt the touch is as much to calm Bruce as to keep Clint from lashing out at Coulson. Bruce will take whatever personal comfort he can from it anyway.</p>
<p>“Give me two days,” Tony snarls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on his face is a map of the world

The former sergeant, James Buchanan Barnes, is unconscious in a medical room when they arrive. Steve goes in first and alone. So they all stand and watch as Steve touches the metal arm. His fingers glide up to where it joins with flesh around his shoulder and down to where restraints encircle his wrist. The others hang back, let him have this moment in private. No one says anything at first when he finally rejoins them. There's no crowding to see this new relic of American passion and Russian ingenuity. Steve doesn't even look at them at first, his eyes still fixed on his old friend. “I want him moved to the Avengers mansion.”

“We can't,” Coulson says, giving his hero his best apologetic look. It could use some work.

“He's a fucking person Coulson! You guys don't own him! Hell if anyone has that claim it's the US Army which you certainly aren't, which I know, since I've worked with them,” Tony finally goes off, not even Pepper who was allowed in thanks to a sharp glare can quiet him. “They at least don't pull shady shit like this behind your back. If they want to fuck you, they're at least pretty fucking honest about it.”

“We _can't_ ,” Coulson repeats, “because he was brain washed by the Soviets, so unless you have the capability to help undue the damage…I'm sorry Captain but he's not your friend.”

Steve's hands fist in quiet rage and his gaze remains fixed on Barnes, strapped to his hospital gurney, connected to monitors and IVs and everything about him looks small. Not quite human and not quite real. A puppet maybe. Bruce swallows hard at the sudden panic that this could be him. Kept unconscious for fear of what he might be. He feels Clint behind him, one hand on his back and Bruce doesn't doubt the touch is as much to calm Bruce as to keep Clint from lashing out at Coulson. Bruce will take whatever personal comfort he can from it anyway.

“Give me two days,” Tony snarls.

To everyone's surprise, Coulson is quiet and solemn and he says whatever you need. Bruce wonders if it's to make up for the pretending to be dead for a year. Maybe it's to start to apologize for breaking his partner's heart. Bruce selfishly hopes he never succeeds if that's the case. 

They stay until Barnes starts to wake up. Coulson tries to usher them all out but Steve refuses. So they all watch from the door as Barnes struggles in his restraints and they all see Steve's hope crumbles when Barnes demands his release or risk retaliation. He sneers Captain America's name, twisting each syllable into poison and his eyes move around the room, landing on Natasha who has stayed quiet until then. He switches into Russian, obviously recognizing her. Her expression doesn't change but Bruce has seen her shoulders tense like that before, when faced with a real threat.

They leave and let the doctors step in to sedate him again.

It feels like a betrayal.

When they're back at the cars waiting to return them to the Avengers Tower, Steve turns to Tony. “Fix him.”

Tony and Bruce spend the next few days in the lab, arguing over brain scans and designs. It's not Bruce's area of specialty but he's picked up enough for time to be able to contribute. Tony doesn't seem to believe in the idea of specialties and absorbs everything he can. Not that there's much research on stripping the programming away from a Russian assassin to find the man underneath. Natasha volunteers her own brain for scans to see if they can learn from her. The damage in her brain was sickening and Bruce doesn't want to think about what that might mean for Barnes. If the programming is reversible. Steve and Natasha remain quiet presences in and out of the lab. He hears Pepper tell Thor when he comes to visit that the time Steve isn't in the lab, he's in the gym, exhausting himself. Natasha follows, making sure Steve doesn’t push himself too hard or too far. No one knows Steve’s limits, likely not even Steve.

But Bruce can't worry about him, the only way he can help Steve is to work with Tony to try and fix Cap's old sidekick.

Clint remains close by and he and Pepper keep them fed but there are no attempts to stop them or drag them out. At one point Bruce falls asleep in his chair and wakes up to Clint hauling him over to the couch. He pretends he's asleep, instead of moving his head off of Clint's lap. For a moment he can pretend, that the reason he hasn't kissed Clint in days isn't because Clint's ex-lover is suddenly no longer dead and that fact terrifies him. He's just been busy and tired. Distractions like that happen and this is the mother of all distractions. He wants to stay like that with the TV on low and Clint’s hand on his chest. Except he knows he can't stay there forever and the memory of Steve's broken expression when his best friend didn't recognize him gets him up and back to work. He pauses though and kisses Clint, making sure he knows.

Phil doesn't show up again in the Tower.

It takes almost six days, not two to get a prototype built and another four to make sure it won't spark and accidentally electrocute anyone. Try three of the device happens two days later, passes all the tests and Tony takes it to SHIELD to put it to use. Bruce opts out this time, not sure if he can handle those underground tunnels again. Steve says he understands and thanks him for everything.

Clint stays with him and the Tower has no one else but them, sitting silently in the kitchen now. Bruce is running on autopilot, starting water for tea, looking for something small to eat, until he stubs his toe and drops the mug. Clint is immediately there, arms around him and they're kissing. It's desperate and harsh and possibly one of his worst kisses since high school but Clint isn't pulling away.

“You've been avoiding me,” Clint murmurs. Their foreheads are pressed together and Bruce closes his eyes, making his body let go for a minute and simply trust Clint.

“Don't know if you noticed, but I was trying to save an American hero."

“Makes up for breaking Harlem I think. You don't have to avoid me."

Bruce sighs and manages a small smile. Clint isn't letting this go and he's too tired to keep up his walls. “Don't want to.” Clint smiles in relief and his arms tighten around Bruce's shoulders. For a long moment they stand just like that, kissing slowly. “But...” Bruce says when they separate. “I understand, if you want to go back to him.”

Clint punches him in the arm and buries his head under Bruce's chin. It's so young and childish that the only thing Bruce can think to do is wrap his arms tighter around Clint. Hold him for as long as he lets him, not sure what Clint needs. Bruce expected annoyance, he expected an argument, he doesn't know what he expected. The desperation in every line of Clint's body wasn't it. Slowly, barely more than a murmur, Clint tells him about being alone, how his time with Coulson was supposed to be different. “He twisted everything.” He finally lifts his head, to look Bruce in the eye. Clint doesn't do quiet anger, but now he's simmering with it. “Apparently I'm worth less to him than his job.” 

“You know it’s not that simple.” He's not sure why he's still pushing this but he's always had a self-destructive streak.

“It's exactly that simple. I can't trust him.”

“And you trust me?” Bruce can’t help the disbelief in his voice. It’s been a long year and he’s changed but he’ll never be normal. He will never be the finely pressed suit and neutral expressions of Phil Coulson. The Other Guy will always be there. All his other demons will always be there no matter how hard he tries.

“You are the worst liar in the world. You hide things with the best of them but when push comes to shove, you're the most honest guy in this nut house. So yea, I trust you.” He kisses Bruce again before he can argue that wasn't what he meant. “And you have better control than you realize. You won't hurt me.” Bruce doesn't say that's no guarantee and the Hulk isn't the only thing that can hurt Clint and takes the moment for what it is. “Now, sit before you break anything else.” He pushes Bruce towards a chair and takes over making the tea and even makes sandwiches out of what's in the refrigerator. They sit together while they eat, feet touching under the table. And they're just two men, too old to be hopelessly in love, just looking for a moment of peace.

Tony comes back crowing about the immediate success of the device in rebuilding some of Barnes' neural pathways. It will need more work and more sessions to restore him completely, but its a start. Natasha and Steve end up staying with Barnes at SHIELD so Tony and Bruce go back to work. Clint joins them in the lab occasionally when there are not other demands on his time. Each test comes back better and better which only means more work for them. They’re finally finishing the touches on the device when something comes up and Tony has to go handle it. So it's on Bruce to go supervise the next use with the device, back down into the depths of SHIELD.

The guard lets Bruce into the cell, and at Bruce’s insistence, steps out into the hall. He asks the nurse to follow, wanting the first moment alone. Bruce sits down across the room from the single occupant. They've moved Barnes out of Medical and to a cell so he at least no longer needs to be strapped down. Bruce knows he should just get this done and leave but he's curious. Dark eyes follow him, bore into him but there is no other acknowledgment. Bruce stares right back. Without being told he knows the man in front of him isn’t James Barnes. This is the lingering remnants of the Winter Soldier, all hard edges waiting for his orders to spring into action. Bruce knows snipers have patience. He knows it’s the one time Clint can be entirely still. And Bruce spends most of his time with Tony Stark these days. They can stare each other down all night.

The eyes finally lower with a disdainful sigh. Bruce has been cataloged and dismissed as a non-threat. 

“If you’re here for blood, you’ll have to wait another half an hour.”

“What?”

“Only so much blood can be drawn in a certain amount of time,” his eyes dart to Bruce and he looks a little more intrigued this time. “Or you’re _not_ here for that.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Fascinated than? Want me to put on a show? Shall we see if I can break your neck before you become the monster?”

The hard edges start to bunch and he feels the familiar burst of adrenaline at the challenge but he just shakes his head and smiles. “We don’t call him that anymore.”

The Soldier blinks and just for a second he’s _not_. He’s something else and someone else. The lines soften. Bruce wonders if he's finally seeing James Barnes. “We?”

Bruce smiles and shrugs and holds up the device. "Do you remember what this is?" The Soldier's lips purse but he nods. “Ready? Or do I need to have you sedated?”

To Bruce's surprise there's a flash of happiness and the Soldier sits up straighter. He notices Bruce’s surprise and scowls. “Do I need to explain to you how hard it is to have conflicting emotions in your head?” He stares down at his hands. “I don't know who I am doc, Steve says you can help.”

“I have some idea. So you remember Steve?” The device fits smugly around Barnes' head. He helps Barnes lie back down on the bed, summoning the nurse back in to set up all the monitors for his vitals and to sedate him. It's painful and Tony theorized it would work best when he was unconscious, it’s all so theoretical though without the specifics of what the Russians did to his head. 

Barnes smiles and it’s sad and nostalgic. For the first time Bruce lets himself believe that this will work. “Course I do doc,” he mumbles as the sedative takes hold. Steve must have been told they were starting because he appears in the doorway as Bruce switches it on. He doesn't say anything the entire time Bruce adjusts everything, making sure all the connections are sound and Barnes doesn’t have a negative reaction. There seems to be no reaction at all but this isn’t Bruce’s area of expertise, there are other people keeping an eye on all the information being fed into the computer directly from Barnes’ body. The only reason Bruce is doing the basic set up instead of a nurse is because Tony made it too complicated to explain.

When it's all over and he can finally leave, he can feel Steve's eyes fixed on the middle of his back the entire walk to the elevator.

Clint is waiting for him when he gets back and refuses to let him back into the lab, taking him up to his room. Clint and Bruce sit on the small balcony space outside Clint’s room. Bruce is in one of the chairs and Clint leans against the railing, looking out over the city. Bruce breaths his name into the wind too quiet to be heard but Clint turns anyway, sensing Bruce’s focus. He folds himself onto Bruce’s lap, hands cupping his face and kisses him slowly. He whispers I love you against Bruce’s skin as he slides down, whispering it over and over until Bruce thinks he really does believe it. He tangles a hand in Clint’s hair, using Clint to focus himself, letting the wind steal the noises that escapes him as Clint's mouth moves over his skin.

The next day he and Tony go back to work. Each following visit to Barnes brings back a little more hope for the rest of them.

Two weeks later Steve escorts Barnes back to the Tower. He doesn’t say how he managed to convince anyone to let him out and Steve isn’t volunteering but James keeps on shooting Steve thoughtful looks when he thinks no one is looking. Bruce catches Natasha’s eye, realizing she’s noticed as well. They all watch as James - he's definitely James now - and Steve laugh as they spar. There's one moment where Steve slips and there's an opening and everyone holds their breath but James ruffles his hair and Steve tackles him to the ground and the moment's gone.

Coulson follows Steve and James to the Tower, to keep an eye on James while he's with them but Bruce doesn't miss that the spends as much time looking at Clint and Bruce, standing together to watch the show, as he does watching James Barnes. Bruce resists slouching and holds Clint's hand.

While everyone's there, they're called away to a mission and James is packed up with them. There's no time to get him back to headquarters so he's put into a cell on the Helicarrier and the Avengers go to tackle a new threat developing outside Paris. Clint laughs and tells Bruce he should climb the Eiffel Tower. Steve rolls his eyes and forbids them from reenacting any misplaced King Kong scenes. Bruce still whispers that Clint would make an excellent Fay Wray before jumping out of the Helicarrier.

They have hours before they’re back to New York and Bruce is exhausted from shifting to the other guy and back. There’s nowhere empty on the Helicarrier though and he ends up around the cells, not the fancy one they had built especially for the Hulk. These are normal cells with doors and locks and four straight walls. He’s fairly sure it’s a bad idea but he’s always been a victim of his own curiosity. So he opens the door.

He's reminded of the last time he came face to face with James Barnes alone in cell. The man in there now physically looks the same as the Soldier who greeted him last time but the hard edges are gone. He gives Bruce a look of open curiosity. Bruce notices they gave him some books to help him pass the time. It seemed uncharacteristically nice for SHIELD. “Can I help you?”

Bruce shrugs and glances at the opposite, empty wall. “I was actually just looking for somewhere quiet.”

James snorts and leans back on the small cot, gathering up his book again. “Knock yourself out. It’s definitely quiet in here.” Bruce accepts the invitation and settles down against the wall, legs crossed neatly. He closes his eyes, trying to block out everything and calm himself like he's done a thousand times before. The only background noise comes from the soft sound of paper and the distant sound of the engines. So he notices when the book is closed, and James shifts on the bed. When Bruce opens his eyes, James is leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees, watching Bruce.

“Yes?”

“Last time...” He leans back, trying to look casual again. Bruce draws a leg up to his chest and waits. “You said no one called him the monster anymore, not even you?”

“Well it slips out sometimes.” He smiles ruefully.

“How did you do it?”

Bruce looks at him, thinks of the man who he saw before in the same body but with dark, angry eyes. “Why are you still here? In SHIELD's custody?”

James is surprised by the sudden change in topic but rolls with it remarkably well. “They think I'm playing some con I think,” he shrugs, trying to act like it’s not getting to him but Bruce is too experienced at the same trick to be fooled. “Steve's fighting them to release me, the spar session helped but...”

“But you don’t really know if you want that,” Bruce finishes.

James snorts softly and rubs at his face. “I see you understand the problem, Doctor. What if they let me out of here? And I lose it when I'm on the street and someone innocent gets hurt?”

“Or what if there's some hidden trigger you don't know about and you hurt Steve?” Bruce asks softly.

“Exactly.”

Bruce doesn’t have a good answer, no solutions to help him out but he deserves more than a shrug and a figure it out. “You…you have Steve. And Natasha. Hold onto them. Use your feelings for them to hold on to who you are.”

“And who have you got, Doc?” Bruce thinks of Clint, probably with Tony in the lap explaining any equipment errors he dealt with, wanting to be better for next time. Bruce has no equipment to upgrade, there's only him. He thinks about how when they get back to the tower, how Clint will hound him so he doesn't go directly to the lab and at night they'll curl up and assure each other they did the best they could. James laughs. “No, you don't need to answer, I noticed you two together when me and Steve were wrestling.”

They sit in silence for awhile. James picks up his book but Bruce doesn't hear pages being turned anymore. He feels the last of the tension from the battle leave him just in time for the door to the cell to open. He opens his eyes, expecting Clint but it's Steve there, looking back and forth between them, obviously bewildered. James holds out a hand, beckoning him to the bed, Steve hesitates but goes, settling behind him and James leans back against his chest.

Bruce thinks of when he sometimes told the Avengers stories about the past, how sometimes he would start a story and stop and edit part way through. He thinks maybe it was moments like this Steve was editing out, not sure how his team would feel about it. The way he slides behind James, wraps his arms around him, kisses his temple, they're not habits picked up in a few weeks. Bruce is looking at something enduring and special. An old enduring secret.

He keeps on stealing glances at Bruce, as if Bruce might actually say something but Bruce can't judge and Steve knows that.

“I should go.” Bruce gets to his feet, smoothing out his borrowed pants.

“Doc-” James starts.

“You can call me Bruce.”

James smiles. “Thanks.”

Bruce shrugs. “Thank you. You let me into your space.” He lets himself out and makes his way up to the small lab on the ship where Clint is, just like he thought. Natasha is there too which will make his plan easier. Clint holds out an arm for him without pausing in his ranting to Tony about some fluctuation in his arrows. Bruce stops him with a hand over his mouth. “We need to convince SHIELD it would be best to let Sergeant Barnes out.”

Tony arches an eyebrow but it's Clint who speaks first after dragging Bruce's hand off his mouth. “Should I be jealous?”

Natasha's eyes meet his and he can see her running through the outcomes and possibilities and he can see the exact moment she can see it working. "Let's do it."

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be a small character study of Bruce and Bucky basically comparing notes. And then it wasn't.  
> First time writing so much Bruce, please be gentle.  
> Title from 'From Yesterday' by 30 Seconds to Mars


End file.
